"In this planar universe, does there exist a girl almost surely just like you?"
Right now, in this instant, in her mind Rita is greeting the infinite number of other Ritas who are thinking the same thoughts she is. There is no need to attempt to communicate directly over those long, long distances, so long one might faint at the thought. Those other Ritas are most likely thinking almost exactly the same thing.
“Hello, you infinite number of people who so closely resemble me, who are ‘almost surely like’ me. Thanks to my grandfather, just today I came to realize that in all likelihood you exist. I am just a little girl. I think you are too. I love my grandfather, and I think you all love your grandfather too. I am very happy to learn that you all almost certainly exist.
“Just like me, I think almost no one will be interested in listening to you either.
“Just like me, I think almost no one will understand what you are saying.
“I am my grandfather’s grandchild.”
Rita is filled with a feeling of kindness and speaks what springs to her mind. That’s what she said before she came back to herself. I am my grandfather’s grandchild. What was she going to say after that?
She wonders whether her grandfather realized that there are an infinite number of people in the universe who are almost surely like him and that there is nothing he can do about it. Would he remain detached, deciding that those infinite others had nothing to do with him?
“Almost surely,” Rita mutters. “With probability one.”
And then, finally, it dawns on Rita what her grandfather is really trying to say to her.
That she is a girl who is interesting, worthwhile, funny. Really. Maybe.
“I am my grandfather’s grandchild. Therefore, I cannot accept that you all may be almost indistinguishably similar to me. Probability one is not identical to certain. I want to be something different. Different from you, different from everyone else.
I've been reading a lot more this year compared to the last ones, probably because I stopped having goals and I'm just reading whatever I find interesting and really want to read. Who would've thought.
Last month, I started playing Chill With You because the main character kind of vaguely resembles me (and also says a lot of stuff I think, so that's kind of eerie)1. The first collab event I unlocked made me aware of another game, ALTER EGO, which I found mid at best but also made me want to read a couple of books mentioned there: I finally read Osamu Dazai's No Longer Human (of which I'd bought a physical copy last year!), then got fairly interested in Toh EnJoe's Self-Reference ENGINE. The beginning quote comes from my favourite chapter of the book.
It's a weird book, and I think I'd have to read it again to fully understand it. Probably with pen and paper at hand, too. It was a very rocky but fun ride, and if you're into that kind of convoluted and wacky science fiction I very highly recommend it.
This chapter stayed with me long after finishing the book. Ever since I was a little child, I often asked myself the question that Rita's grandfather asks her, and then wondered: which one would be better? To be completely unique and never have anything in common with anyone? Or to be identical, but never be apart? Both are absolutisms, and both sound like a nightmare. When does tranquility become loneliness, and when does community become a prison? I've always found a sort of lingering obsession thinking about it, even when it hurts. Because I can't stand knowing I don't understand something.
I'm sure that's true even for the infinite people that are almost like me, or for the infinite people that I am almost identical to.
“Like plucking a single needle from among the infinite grains of sand. And then throwing that needle away and finding it again. As you have decided. With probability one, you probably all think that what I’m saying is impossible. I never heard anything so ridiculous in my life.
“We are all trying to scatter from this area where the countless points are all clustered together. Trying to get somewhere where there are no other points. If no matter where we go there are always other points, any one of us would try harder to get even farther away, to another place that no one had ever explored before.
“And so, I say to you, goodbye! Knowing that what I propose is not possible makes me all the more determined. Farewell. I pray for your good health. For all of us.”
Considering the topic of this post, this pretext is actually very funny.↩